Dearest Melon,
You are now 14 years and 2 days into being a mum and what a milestone! Jaydah is growing into such a beautiful young woman, I mean look at who her mum is. I can just imagine her face if she read that, just before she yells out crrrrriiinge.
Anyways, what a year it has been for you both as you navigate the troubled waters known as the teen years. There's been some higher levels of attitude but also higher levels of confidence to match. It's been so beautiful to see her absolutely own every decision she makes and deal with the consequences as well (of course with a LOT of help from you - you're a hot headed Samoan mum, it's in the blood). I know it has been hard to step back and allow her to understand and deal with her own emotions or the way she sees herself in this world but you are doing your best and I'm sure she is loving all the honest and open chats we have (so, soooo many of them).
This new found love for clothes and shoes she has is definitely taking a toll on your wardrobe. What used to be a cute innocent little girl trying on dresses and heels is now a teenager who actually wears your stuff out and then brings them back with stains on them. I wonder if she thinks that if you can see it's all dirty and stained, you won't want it anymore or maybe she just hasn't learnt the art of looking after nice things properly. It has been fun though to see her try new styles and venture out of her favourite tshirt and footy shorts combo. I feel like clothes help express someone's personality and Jaydah has always said that your clothes are not her style (she said your clothes are extra but I think she means extra nice) so at least she's finding hers.
Make sure you thank her for being the best hype girl, as well as your advisor when you're nervous about something so you need to talk it out. Her poor ears are always on the receiving end of your rants but your ears also have to endure her rants too. Honestly, listening to high school girls drama is the best way to fall asleep but you'll learn to stay awake and focused so she'll know she can always come to you and then you can both mock the annoying girls from school (just kidding you're such a responsible mum, you would never).
Sometimes Jaydah drives you absolutely crazy when she doesn't clean the way you do (or clean at all) but give her a chance. I think you might need a new story because the one about who's going to clean your house when you're older if you don't know how to do it and you're going to be living in a pigsty isn't really cutting it. Deep down, you know she tries her hardest but sometimes you just wish she was a mind reader and you'd wake up to a sparkling, spotless house as if Monica from Friends cleaned it.
It's weird that even though Jaydah is young in age she has so much wisdom and sees things from a very clear perspective so things make more sense to her. I see you trying to work on your stubborn ways so make sure you keep at it because there are a lot of things you can learn from her.
Make sure you keep reminding Jaydah about how cool you are, one of these days she'll say it back to you. Persistence is key! Also, keep reminding her that you will definitely be partying with her for her 18th birthday in 4 years, that will get the eyes rolling and another yell of crrrrriiinge.
If you get stuck with advice for her, here are some golden oldies to get you through those tough times:
Zoo-Wee Mama - Rowley Jefferson, Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night - Kanye West
Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails - Outkast
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely - Roald Dahl
Overall, always remember that you're doing your best!
Mum pressure and guilt is real and can absolutely make anyone do crazy things when it comes to judgement on one's parenting. But stick to your guns, you know what works for you and Jaydah. It's always going to be hard when you're working on yourself, healing your own trauma and then you're responsible for this little human too. As long as Jaydah feels loved and supported by you then you can pat yourself on the shoulder...and continue to sharpen your knife for when she meets a boy, jk [note to self: listen to Summer Walker's new album with Jaydah and send her some posts about how to spot toxic behaviour in males/potential partners].
As you watch on with excitement as Jaydah grows into an amazing young woman, who will eventually leave you to live her own life to the fullest - make sure you appreciate all the wonderful adventures you have had and are still yet to enjoy together.
Just as you always tell Jaydah to watch the world through glittering eyes, make sure you too live life to the fullest. As fulfilling and rewarding as the role of a mother is, remember to ignite your own passions and purpose so that you always believe in the magic that you create for her as well.
Yours sincerely,
Melon (mum for 14 years & 2 days) xxx
P.S You're not fooling anyone with that let's-take-on-too-much-and-hardly-sleep act, rest when you need to and make sure you take your iron tablets too. Look after yourself, you'll thank me later!
P.P.S Might need to calm down with calling Jaydah 'sis' so much, it seems to really get on her nerves more and more lately. Sis just doesn't get your cool as humour, weirdo! Call her bro and see how that goes...